Maximum Warp

I have recently come across my favorite "Onion" article ever... From 2001... No comment needed, I believe, the article speaks for itself...

Bush: 'Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally Over'

January 17, 2001

WASHINGTON, DC–Mere days from assuming the presidency and closing the door on eight years of Bill Clinton, president-elect George W. Bush assured the nation in a televised address Tuesday that "our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is finally over."

President-elect Bush vows that "together, we can put the triumphs of the recent past behind us."

"My fellow Americans," Bush said, "at long last, we have reached the end of the dark period in American history that will come to be known as the Clinton Era, eight long years characterized by unprecedented economic expansion, a sharp decrease in crime, and sustained peace overseas. The time has come to put all of that behind us."

Bush swore to do "everything in [his] power" to undo the damage wrought by Clinton's two terms in office, including selling off the national parks to developers, going into massive debt to develop expensive and impractical weapons technologies, and passing sweeping budget cuts that drive the mentally ill out of hospitals and onto the street.

During the 40-minute speech, Bush also promised to bring an end to the severe war drought that plagued the nation under Clinton, assuring citizens that the U.S. will engage in at least one Gulf War-level armed conflict in the next four years.

"You better believe we're going to mix it up with somebody at some point during my administration," said Bush, who plans a 250 percent boost in military spending. "Unlike my predecessor, I am fully committed to putting soldiers in battle situations. Otherwise, what is the point of even having a military?"

On the economic side, Bush vowed to bring back economic stagnation by implementing substantial tax cuts, which would lead to a recession, which would necessitate a tax hike, which would lead to a drop in consumer spending, which would lead to layoffs, which would deepen the recession even further.

(The rest of the article is here) 

Continuing the mainstream theme I've added 8 (!) characters from the first, second, and third Nightmares on Elm Street to the Heroes and Monsters Guide: Freddy Krueger, Roland Kincaid, Taryn White, Will Stanton, Joey Crusel, Lt.Thompson, Nancy Thompson, and of course Jesse Walsh. Enjoy, folks... This is some fine Wes Craven (and not Wes Craven) work...

Boo-hoo! I completely sold out and added characters from Batman (1989) to the Heroes and Monsters Guide: Vicki Vale, Joker, and the goddamn Batman... I feel like a dirty cinematic whore...

I've been productive recently... Two more characters at the Heroes and Monsters Guide from the Carnival of Souls: Mary Henry and The Man. What an awesome movie... I really enjoyed doing this one...

Three more characters at the Heroes and Monsters Guide. This time featuring the characters from the Friday the 13th Part 2 and Part 3: Jason Voorhees, Ginny Field and Chris Higgins.

I have added Wonder Woman and Baroness Paula Von Gunther to the Heroes and Monsters guide... Hurray!

I have been busy at work and not very active at VOX... I have added 5 new characters to the Heroes and Monsters Guide however... Stirba, the Queen of the Werewolves and Stefan Crosscoe from the Howling 2, Santi from the Devil's Backbone, and Paxton and The Dutch Businessman from Hostel... Enjoy...

 

Ladies and Gentlemen - my new favorite band... I wasn't this excited about a band in along-long time.... Please also check out their MySpace (http://www.myspace.com/beatthedevil) for more samples... Here are two YouTube live recordings of semi-decent quality...

Woo-Hoo! I have added two new characters to the Heroes and Monsters Guide: Gorgo and Momma Gorgo. Classics!