12 posts tagged “laramore and bartholomew”

Deep within the bowels of the magical , the secret lost artifact was calling out to our heroes. If Laramore and Bartholomew could hear this call they would surely attempt to free the magic castle from artifact contamination, but the call went on unheard and our heroes carried on their never ending skirmish against the midget hordes from the North. Meanwhile God XVIII looked down from his apartment on high and said, to no one in particular, "It is good," and then destroyed Alabama.

Laramore and Bartholomew dove headfirst into arch-fiend Liquor Man, and consumed him lustily from within. Only then did they realize that Liquor Man was in fact Liqueur Man, the genius inventor of the Fix (number between five and six.) Liqueur Man was survived by his wife Helen and his three kids, Liqueur Man II, Liqueur Man Girl, and little Julep, all of whom Laramore and Bartholomew subsequently killed.

By Max and B

By Max and B

Laramore and Bartholomew unleashed their holiest of weapons: The Shank of Perpetual Gore, the one weapon that could utterly destroy their archenemy. The Shank was known to Norwegians by its maiden name "_________", the name invisible to all Americans. Meanwhile Captain Slippenslide, our heroes' most perverse enemy, gasped and wet himself just a little to reduce friction, then pressed the Button of Eternal Decimation, which, sadly, only made a baby poo-poo sound. However his actions are in no way related to our story, or any other story for that matter. In fact, his actions never even took place to begin with, being nothing more than a product of the perverse imagination of our heroes real enemy Bonnie the Squirrel, who in turn was a product of the imagination of Erik Johansson, a bus driver in Stockholm, Ohio.

By Max and B

By Max and B

By Max and B

Laramore and Bartholomew entered the labyrinth through the exit. They were soaking wet and completely out of breath, which may have been because the labyrinth was on the bottom of the ocean. However that was not the case...
Upon entry they have encountered a Reversed Minotaur, convincingly portrayed by Jennifer Garner. ”That’s just about the nakedest Reversed Minotaur I’ve ever seen!”, screamed Laramore, to which Bartholomew replied heartily, ”These adult situations are sure to increase brand visibility in out target demographic!” After much hot dancing and gymnastics, the plot was revealed, conveniently off screen, to save time.

By Max and B

Laramore and Bartholomew burst forth engorgedly from their secret parlor located secretly near Placabishtahn, Idaho (Germany). Their mission was as clear as day... a sunny day free from visual disruptions... a day of the clear kind. However their goal was dark as night. Which it was. Daytime I mean. At any rate, our two heroes, Laramore and Bartholomew, confused by the sunlight, began to do battle with their uber-supreme arch-nemesis Captain Delicious, who was subsequently devoured. Did I mention Captain Delicious was a pile of hot wings? I thought so. After the skirmish that involved unspeakable things, Laramore and Bartholomew walked by an old tree stump, which happened to be the dwelling place of Roy, the mouse that couldn’t speak.